I am working on other writing projects. If the cynical, loathsome 2012 election becomes interesting to me again I’m sure I’ll be back. Don’t hold your breath.

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Thanks to some mind-blowing fuck-headed buffoonery by the far-right freshmen Republicans in Congress, Barack Obama has been handed a huge boost to his re-election campaign.

How it happened: the new GOP house leadership has failed to rein in its caucus at a critical juncture. Thanks to their obstructionist strategy to oppose everything that the Obama administration has proposed, the GOP has walked into a trap by voting against the Payroll tax-cut. Most of these freshmen members were voted in by disillusioned libertarian-leaning conservatives who above all craved less taxes. This will cost both their caucus and the eventual Republican nominee dearly next November.

So, thanks to John Boehner’s utter failure in leadership and Eric Cantor and company’s connivance, Obama has stumbled into a sizable lead in every general election poll against every potential Republican challenger, with the exception of Mitt Romney, who still falls short.

If the Democrats have any brains left at all (I have to assume they at least have this many to spare) they will pound this issue as long and loud as possible. The GOP voted against a middle class tax cut while refusing to budge on a millionaire’s surtax during the worst recession in 80 years.

Somewhere, Bill Clinton is laughing.

bill clinton laughing

It’s only fitting that newt gingrich is the front-runner for a party that’s about to hand its nemesis an overwhelming victory.

And the world keeps on spinning…

obama laughing

I found Christopher Hitchens abrasive, intolerant, ignorant, militant, arrogant and hypocritical. His vituperative rants against people of any faith were a disappointing turnoff to an otherwise attractive mind. His unwavering support of the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq were unconscionable in any context,  but coming from such an intelligent person were particularly gruesome; he should have been leading the fight against the so-called war on terrorism.

In order to prove that water-boarding was torture he set about a PR stunt to have the procedure performed on himself.

In order to repudiate his old Socialist sympathies he closed himself off to any ideas emanating from the far left, boxing himself in ideologically.

I did not like the man.

You might find it difficult to believe considering my political leanings but I am a Christian, and I believe above all in forgiveness, that goes for hardened terrorists, child rapists, and even bigoted ass-clown British authors.

Over the next several days I guarantee you’ll see an outpouring of hate from religious circles, particularly the Christian right, who will claim that Hitch is now rotting in hell. Doing so will only push more people further away from God and serve to discredit his critics. I will not lie about him but I will not demonize him.

You sir, were an asshole. But a decent writer, and a human being who suffered a great deal towards the end and I wish you well, wherever you may now reside.

Rest in Peace, Christopher Hitchens.

hitchens

Introduced by Senators John McCain and Carl Levin, the amendment to the annual funding for our military empire will suspend the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878, which forbid the arrest of American citizens by the military. President Obama is expected to sign the bill into law after making sexy-eyes with a veto threat.

What this means is that our government has decided to throw out any pretense that the Constitution applies towards protecting citizens.

This is the most grievous disruption of the Bill of Rights, but part of a disturbing and growing pattern in which this nation is rapidly changing into a police state.

The Patriot Act and other illegal surveillance methods condoned by the Bush administration set this colossal injustice into motion. Next, President Obama further eroded the republic by claiming the right to kill American citizens suspected of terrorism without a trial. Now the military via predator drones is actively being used in routine local police operations.

At the risk of sounding like a paranoid right-wing lunatic I believe these actions are part of a concerted effort to undermine our rights. To what purpose I cannot attest. Are they going to throw the dissidents into concentration camps? Are they going to come and take away our guns? I don’t know. I honestly don’t know what the rational is and I think speculation is irresponsible. What I do know is that every American citizen has a duty to fight these threats with every means at our disposal.

It’s time for the dirty hippies Occupying public parks to take a page out of the Tea Party’s playbook.

Tool up.

Tool the fuck up because the government is coming.

It’s time for the Tea Party to learn a lesson from the unwashed liberal hordes: no one is safe when our elected leaders answer not to us but to corporations.

I am a staunch liberal that believes in the second amendment, and my support for it is growing every day.

The system is broken. When Congress can’t agree to fund the operation of the government on a week-to-week basis but has broad bi-partsian support for stripping our civil rights I say their authority is illegitimate. Senators McCain and Levin should be placed under citizen’s arrest as soon as possible. President Obama must be impeached for his crimes against the Constitution which he swore to uphold. Every single member of the Legislative branch who voted for this must be removed from office, by force if necessary.

Since the 1960′s they have been playing us against each other with cultural wedges, pretending to be enemies and all the while stealing, plundering and raping this country hand in hand. It’s time to declare war on the Republican and Democratic parties.

Tool the fuck up, America.

Occupy America

It’s really a very cute little column with gingerbread tidbits like this:

Occupy America this holiday season. Occupy America with goodness and generosity. Don’t just sit there and wait for the government to give; do it yourself, whether you’re giving time or money. Here are some suggestions:

† Visit your local food bank with groceries.

† Adopt a family though your church

† Don’t forget seniors

† Buy dog and cat food and take it to your local animal shelter

Then the author closes with some financial advice, including topping your 401K, weatherizing your home, and preparing for real estate taxes. This is all very sound and it makes sense given it’s in the Financial section.

But let’s go back to the part where she says we should stop Occupying public parks. “Instead of sitting in parks and protesting, instead of lamenting our political choices, instead of waiting for the government to figure it out — let’s occupy our country with the generous spirit of giving.”

If we simply removed this section from the article then Terry Savage is doing her readers a fine service: a push towards altruism with financial tips. And yet, the internet is written in ink, and so this unfortunate sentence remains and proves Terry Savage is a brutally insulated idiot. There is a reason why Americans are Occupying public parks – and it’s because this is the richest nation in the world that used to know how to keep the money circulating in the community. Now it’s been mutilated and defecated on by the financial industry.

It’s difficult to weatherize your home when it’s been foreclosed.

It’s even harder to contribute to your 401K when you don’t have the luxury of a job that includes one.

It’s downright tough to give to charity when you have to choose between medication and rent, as so many families do.

We are Occupying because instead of protecting and informing the middle class the media has become a yelping, semen swallowing bitch hound beholden to the wealthiest 1% of us and nobody else.

While we should give to our needy brethren this holiday season, we should not forget that we are at war.

Expect us, Terry Savage.

Instead of recaps of what the candidates say with occasional snark taglines, we will proceed with completely irresponsible paraphrasing and wild speculation, because we’re practicing for our future jobs in the mainstream American media.

Nothing says more about a program than the advertisers. Based on all the pharmaceuticals, Papa Johns, and rampant luxury car ads, the Republican Party doesn’t have a fucking clue what its base is.

I’m starting to think this sorry piece of shit in the White House is 2-term material. Hooray.

ABC News wants the candidates to explain what they’ve learned from each other during the debates.

Rick Santorum kisses newt’s ass, reaches for his junk but is quickly slapped away. The look on newt’s face is even more priceless.

Governor Perry credits Ron Paul with planting the idea in his head that we should end the Fed. Ron Paul has about 10,000 brilliant ideas, and the one that Rick Perry takes away is the dumbest. Thanks a lot, Texas.

Romney gives props to Ron Paul’s hardcore supporters. +17 please vote for me points.

newt gingrich gives Rick Santorum props for his saber-rattling on Iran.

Ron Paul thanks the candidates for all their support. “Never give up on your opposition.” Lolz all around.

Bachmann misses Herman Cain’s 999 plan and the power of being very plain spoken. Repeats WIN WIN WIN mantra.

And we’ll leave you with that.

Never forget the power of being very plain spoken. Says the fucking dunce who makes Sarah Palin look like a rhodes scholar.

The winner of tonight’s debate is unequivocally President Obama, and I don’t really consider that to be a good thing. The only GOP candidate with general election bonafides is Mitt Romney, who will not energize his base because he’s not crazy, Christian, or angry enough. The media is already jumping all over his proposed 10,000 dollar bet to Perry over the quotes in his book. Major misstep in a poor rural state during a recession.

As far as the nomination is concerned, gingrich’s career politican barb along with Romney’s mistakes probably further cement his status as the new standard-bearer for the nomination. God help us all.

There’s a reason why Obama won by the plurality he did in 08.

G’nite, America.

Michelle Bachmann brags about the number of times she’s visited Israel and how advanced the country is. She blames Palestinians on brain-washing their children into anti-Semitism, calling Jews pigs and swine. Boy I really wish we’d just let Ron Paul talk more about this.

Rick Santorum thinks we should stand shoulder-to-shoulder with our allies in Israel. Shoulder-to-shoulder. Cuz that’s what you do for your buddies. No man left behind. Bros before hoes. And if you touch them it’s not gay or anything, it’s just brotherhood, you know? Because you’re allies and all.

Rick Perry thinks the Israeli questions is a minor issue that the media has blown out of proportion. +19 truth points Perry then rants about Obama not nuking Iran over our captured drone, then throws a bone to gingrich. Boy this guy really hates Mitt Romney, like a lot.

The next question asks the candidates when the last time was they had a personal financial strain in their lives which forced them to tighten their belts. This should be good. Let the bullshitting BEGIN!

Governor Perry: well, um, as a matter of fact, there are some people who say, and I was talkin about my upbringing, and my mom was sewin my clothes, and luxury really wasn’t in my lexicon, well i was 27 and i was boy, but i was a grown man by then, and my social security was a zero, but the fact is i never had a time in my life when i felt like i gave anything up and didn’t have whatever i needed.

+118 meaningless circumvention points

Romney admits that he did not grow up poor, but his dad taught him the value of hard work, thrift, etc. Obviously he’s been prepared for this question just as he’s prepared at the state level throughout this campaign, unlike some candidates who used to the Speaker of the House who just got an Iowa office running 2 weeks ago.

Ron Paul’s wife worked through college, which helped him out. That’s some Grapes of Wrath shit right there, my friend.

Rick Santorum talks about the sanctity of family and the institution of marriage, because… why?

Notice how none of the candidates actually offered any examples of economic hardship. Notice it. Now vote accordingly, motherfucker.

Now we’re on to the bailouts.

Bachmann lies and says she was born in Iowa (she wasn’t) and says that her family still clips coupons. Camera pans to her totally straight husband in the crowd.

Stephanopolous says that 70% of the Yahoo news crowd (cream of the fucking crop that one) is dissatisfied with both Romney and gingrich’s record on health mandates. In other news, why the fuck is anyone in their right mind asking Yahoo News users what they think about public policy?

While we are at it why don’t we have monkeys fly the space shuttle?

In other news, I’ve officially forgotten how to spell we’re.

This GOP debate drinking game is dangerous, I tell you. If things keep going like this I’ll finish my novel by 2am and none of it will be intelligible. NONE OF IT I SAY!

Diane Sawyer asks Ron Paul: should government do anything about health care?

Of course not. “when government protects you from yourself you’re in big trouble.” Paul calls every part of government force that violates our revolution and constitution. In other news, Ron Paul is an ideologue who should probably best be left at the fringes of our national conversation.

First they ask Rick Perry, who hits the monogamy ball out of the park. Then again the question wasn’t really for him.

Rick Santorum really needs to get out more. Then again someone might catch him at a gay club, so perhaps not.

Ron Paul thinks character is important, but we don’t have to talk about it. He thinks the oath of office is more vital than your marriage or personal issues. He rants about privacy invasions, imperialism, and prosperity as all integrally linked to keeping the oath of office. +100 tyvm points

Romney says something.

Michelle Bachmann reminds us that she is Christian, just in case we forgot. Which is good, because for a brief moment there I forgot.

They’re saving gingrich for last. I love this shit.

newt says it’s an important issue and that he’s made mistakes and gone to God for forgiveness. The camera pans to his adoring Stepford wife in the crowd. What a crock- and I thought they were actually going to hit him on the issue.

-56 journalism points, ABC

The next questions is about “securing the borders.” What to do about the 11 million undocumented workers in the US?

newt gingrich wants civilian review boards to go on a case-by-case basis to determine which immigrants get to stay. A model of efficiency, the gingrich administration. gingrich believes if you’ve been here and worked for 25 years and had children and grandchildren you should be allowed to stay. What Republican voters heard: if Mexicans stay here a long time and take your jobs and have a bunch of kids it’s alright. Does this guy have any sounding board before he says this shit on tv?

Romney says “permanent resident” and I suddenly have a very strong urge to turn this charade off and watch the Empire Strikes Back.

Governor Perry thinks that if we just enforce the current border laws it will solve all our problems. +22 really? points

Perry calls our policy with non-violent illegals “catch and release,” likening immigrants to wild animals let back out into the wild to the detriment of us all. I kid you not.

Ron Paul thinks we shouldn’t be squabbling in the Middle-East between Palestine and Israel. He thinks that people in that region have the right to self-determination and we should stick to our own business. SOCIALIST

newt gingrich does not disavow his comments earlier this week that Palestine is not a legitimate nation and believes we should stop giving aid to them. The crowd goes wild.

It’s a full moon and the eclipse turns the bitch red.

1. Michelle Bachmann promises to repeal Obamacare.

2. Rick Perry promises to repeal Obamacare.

3. Mitt Romney clarifies a statement or policy he made while working as Governor of Massachussetts.

4. newt gingrich snears

5. Rick Santorum looks nervous

6. Ron Paul wonders aloud when we’re going to abolish the Federal Reserve.

7. Any time any one says something so stupid it makes you plant your face in your hands

The last one conscious wins. And, go!

Ron Paul says he was fighting for a decade against Fannie and Freddie’s excesses. He sounds like he’s going to burst into tears at any moment.

newt gingrich says he was never a lobbyist- he was giving advice for a fee. Lolz.

The hog-fuck is on. The moderators just invited Bachmann to jump on gingrich as well. Let’s see how this fat sack of shit handles it. She keeps repeating that “newt romney” is a flip-flopper that’s forsaken conservative principles time and again. I’m pretty sure she’s forgotten there are two separate human beings here. -17 dementia points

Romney points out that in fact he is not newt gingrich. This is the level of stupidity we have descended to in these debates. Identity crises.

Rick Perry quotes a Beacon Hill study that says Romneycare cost the state 18,000 jobs. I sincerely hope he thanks his speechwriting team once the cameras are off.

Every candidate so far has promised to repeal Obamacare and feels completely confident that they can defeat him in a nationally-televised debate, then the general election. That sound you hear is Barack Obama laughing.

Romney lands a hay-maker on Perry- ” as far as mandates go I wanted to give people insurance, you wanted to give girls STD tests.” How long do you think he’s been holding on to that one?

Rick Perry claims he read Romney’s first book. +31 lying points

The look on Perry’s face while Romney refutes him= priceless.

After Bachmann lands another mandate cheap shot on Romney Rick Santorum begins talking. Suddenly all of the air goes out of the room, the crowd is quiet. Has there ever been a man with so little charisma that’s stayed in the public eye this long? He just ruined the debate.

We had a good dirty fight going and Santorum has to go and ruin it by opening his mouth. Nice job, Rick. I’m getting another fucking beer.